A Little Lite Reading
© Pikkz mmxx

De Befle’em Story, like

There’s this bird called Mary, yeah? She’s a virgin (wossat den? Soundin’ like a train or sumfin’) She’s not married nor nuffink, but she’s got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an’ ‘at. Mary lives wiv him in a crib dahn Nazaref yer know. One day Mary meets this bloke wot callin’ hisself Gabriel. She’s like ‘Oo ya lookin at?’ Gabriel just goes ‘You got one up the duff, you have.’ Mary is like totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large ‘Stop dissin’ me yeah! I ain’t no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!’ So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who’s six months gone herself. Liz is largin’ it. She’s filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an’ that ya know. She’s like ‘Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy an’ I reckonin’ I’m well blessed. Fink of all the extra benefits an’ that wot we are gonna get.’ Mary goes ‘Yeah, s’pose you’re right like’. Mary an’ Joe ain’t got no money like, so they have to ponse a donkey, an’ go dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an’ Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an’ that, know wot I mean. But there ain’t no room at this pub, innit? So Mary an’ Joe break an’ enter into this garridge, only its filled wiv animals like. Cahs an’ sheep an’ that. Then these three geezers like turn up, looking proper really really bling, wiv crowns on their ‘eads an’ simla. They’re like, ‘Respect, bay-bee Jesus’, an’ say they’re wise men from the East End. Joe goes. ‘If you’re so wise, wotchoo doin’ wiv this Frankenstein an’ murr stuff? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?’ It’s all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an’ sez he’s got anuvva message from this Lord geezer. He’s like, ‘The police is comin an’ they’re killin all the noo bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt like.’ Joe goes ‘You must be monged if you think I’m goin’ dahn Egypt on a minging donkey’. Gabriel sez ‘Suit yerself, pal. But it’s your look out if you stay.’ So they go dahn Egypt till they’ve stopped killin the noo bay-bees an’ its safe an’ that. Then Joe and Mary an’ Jesus go back to Nazaref, an’ Jesus turns water into Stella.
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